My God wake-up call

I know my first prayer of the day should be said even before my feet hit the floor getting out of bed, but in reality it happens about 2 hours later before breakfast. After the 5 second thanksgiving prayer, my next prayer is always “Lord, help me love the girls as you love them”.  Now I know that’s not possible, thus the daily prayer!

 

So that’s my daily goal, to love as Jesus loves. He doesn’t expect anything in return, He just loves and tells us to do the same.

If only it were that easy! Well it is easy to love your family (well for the most part), or your friends- they show that they love you back; they appreciate you and what you do for them. But how do you love ones who don’t know how to love back, show appreciation or say thank you? I love working here at the Hogar, but there are days when I really do struggle with that. Why am I even here when the Sisters can easily do my job, and bonus, the girls will actually listen to them! I’m not needed here. I’m not even wanted here. Now, these are all lies that the devil sneaks into our minds while God is guarding our hearts making sure the lies don’t get that far, but on some days, they do.  

The other day, I got into a fight with one of our girls trying to get her out of bed (this was before breakfast), and I ended up walking out of the room frustrated and upset asking God what I was doing in Bolivia in the first place (I can be pretty dramatic at times… a lot of the time :P). The rest of the day went by fine and the little girls apologized to me for how she acted in the morning. But I have a feeling God wasn’t done with my negative thinking, because the next day a got a “God wake-up call".

One of my many goals this year was to read and reflect on all the gospels. My spiritual director recommended I start with Luke, and about 10 months into mission I made it to Luke 7. This either means a) some very (VERY) deep reflection has been done on the first 6 chapters or b) I’m a slacker. But it’s all in God’s timing, because Luke 6:27 is EXACTLY what I need to hear last week. It was my “God wake-up call”. The reason I was send herein the first place.

Luke 6:31 states the Golden Rule of “Do to others as you would have them do to you”. But it was the next line that grasped my heart- “32 For if you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners love those whole love them.” It continues with “35 But rather, love your enemies and do good to them, and lend expecting nothing back; then your reward will be great and you will be children of the Most High, for he himself is kind to the ungrateful and the wicked. 36 Be merciful, just as [also] your Father is merciful”

First I want to say that I have no enemies here at the Hogar (at least I hope not)! Nor would I ever call anyone wicked, but what a beautiful reminder of what God is asking me to do this year. I am here to love without expecting anything in return. But the thing is, I get so much in return! These girls come from backgrounds that we can’t even imagine, they come from so much pain and hurt, and sometimes they don’t know how to respond to the love you’re giving them. But once a girl trusts you enough and peaks through her protective wall, something beautiful happens. The times when a little one curls into your lap while watching movie and says “Te quiero” or when an older one comes up to you and hugs you, smiles and says “oh Karen”. Those are the moments we get that we have to hold one to. OF course a little one isn’t to say “Thank you so much Karen for waking me up and making me shower in cold water in 40* weather” or “I really appreciate you telling me to wash my clothes a million times today”. Let’s be real now, I would hate me too sometimes. On the days were nothing seems to go my way, I have to remind myself why is it God chose me to come here this year- to love as He loves us, and to simply do what He has been asking us to do since Jesus spoke the words to his disciples.

There’s so many times in my prayer life that I don’t feel like God’s listening, or not responding. But it’s so crazy how God works when you give Him an opportunity to do so. This experience definitely encouraged me to open up the Bible more often. The Gospels are Jesus’ words to us, what is he trying to tell you? 

“Do not think that love in order to be genuine has to be extraordinary.
What we need is love without getting tired.  Be faithful in the small things because it is in then that your strength lies.”
Bl. Mother Teresa